when's it your turn?

I went to a wedding this weekend and the question of the evening was, "Kimmy got married... when is it your turn?" I tried to be creative with my answers, "when hell freezes over." I would say, then, "Umm, how about never?" Or simply, "not in a million years, oh, how's uncle George these days?"

After the 300th time of being asked this question, I decided to try a new approach. When it was the wife of the brother of the father of the bride's turn, I leaned forward and whispered, "Never. My dreams of ever getting married came to a crashing halt today when Kimmy married David. I was in love with her, you know?"

"I had no IDEA, Patrick... I'm soooo sorry." The wife of the brother of the father of the bride slurred, as she sucked down her twelfth glass of champagne.

"I know! Even though she's several years older than me, it took every ounce of restraint to not disrupt the ceremony today. My heart was breaking. Could you hear it?"

The wife of the brother of the father of the bride shook her head, "I didn't hear your heart breaking. But I feel sooooo awful for you!"

"As you should. This is very sad. Can I ask you a question?"

She nodded while I reached over to light her cigarette. "Do you think it's too late for me? I mean, if I went back in and marched up to her table and professed my undying love for her, well, do you think she would reconsider?"

The wife of the brother of the father of the bride watched thoughtfully as the waiter refilled her champagne glass. "I don't know, Patrick... They did just kind of just get married, you know?"

"Yes, I do know this," I replied. "I was at the wedding ceremony, and now I'm here at their wedding reception. I'm fully aware of exactly what's happening here. I just thought..."

The wife of the brother of the father of the bride interrupted, "Patrick, there's Kimmy's little sister, Michelle. You guys would make a darling couple!"

"True," I replied, "but then I'd have to see Kimmy at all of the major family functions and besides, it just wouldn't seem right thinking of her older sister while kissing Michelle."

"You are SUCH a dear... maybe you should go say something." The wife of the brother of the father of the bride stated, before taking three large gulps from her champagne glass."

"I think you're right!" I agreed. "Should I use the microphone?"

"That's a wonderful idea, Patrick! Now go. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you."

"You're not going to come watch me make a spectacle of myself?" I asked.

"I would, but John only allows me to smoke at special functions." She reached for another cigarette. "I really liked it better when I could smoke all the time."

"I completely understand." I turned and walked back into the reception.

I walked up to Kimmy's table and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm really happy for you." I turned to David, "You too... congratulations." I shook his hand.

I walked back out to the patio and sat next to the wife of the brother of the father of the bride.

"How did it go?" She asked.

I sat there for a moment before answering. "She said no." I reached for my drink.

The wife of the brother of the father of the bride shook her head with disgust. "B*tch."

I smiled at her, "I know."